How To Reject Someone Tactfully After The First Date

Ghosting ramps up feelings of rejection

For Ash Austen, co-host of dating podcast Jeans And A Nice Top, it's OK to ghost in the talking stage on a dating app.

"But it's definitely not OK to ghost someone after a couple of dates, because it's bad dating karma. You want to treat other people how you want to be treated," she explains.

Ash King, a provisional psychologist with The Indigo Project, says it's the mental energy of waiting for a reply, and not knowing if or why the other person has lost interest, that can make being ghosted so painful.

"We'll often go to that worst-case scenario: 'It's about me. I'm not an attractive person. I'm not an appealing person.'

"That can almost ramp up that feeling of rejection to be even worse than if the person was just kind and honest and direct."

Ms King says we often ghost to avoid having a difficult conversation or letting someone down.

"Ghosting is just putting off [that rejection] so that it never happens, and those uncomfortable feelings never have to come up."

Is honesty the best policy?

For Ash, taking 30 seconds out of your day to send someone "a really neutral, simple text" is the kindest way to reject someone.

"It really does make a difference to craft a succinct, polite text with no blame on either party, so then you can both free up some mental energy and go back to dating," she says.

Ash adds that even if there was a reason she didn't like them, she wouldn't usually hand that information over, unless they were particularly rude.

Even if they were awful, letting them know via text means they'll probably want to defend themselves, and you'll end up in a lengthy back and forth that you may not want to deal with.

Ms King says that while honesty can be the best policy, there are limitations.

"You don't need to say 'you're too short' or 'you have a weird nose'. I don't think we need to be nasty.

"[But you also] don't need to make up a million excuses. You don't need to apologise.

Video

Bonus: Video on how to text her back

After every successful first date comes a text message…

…and what you’re texting her right then and there, sets the tone for the rest of the online conversation.

So choose… your words… WISELY!

I shot a video for you, sharing all my secrets (except the perverted ones.)

Check the video here:

Here is what you’re getting in the video:

  • 9 Lines from another online dating “expert” (that will make her throw up)
  • A trick that makes post-date text easy as pie, and super impactful
  • My “Listen Remind Flirt” technique
  • A super smart quote by Dale Carnegie that I can’t remember
  • How to set up the second date
  • A second -equally juicy- way to set up the second date

All together that’s good for 6 minutes and 16 seconds of my annoying face on your screen.

Seen it? Then let’s hop over to Reddit for a second.

#9 God’s gift for setting up the next date

You armed and ready to set up those second dates now, player.

You know what to do and what not to do when it comes to your text after the first date, at least.

For all other texts you are on your own…

…Good luck.

…Alright, fine.

You can cheat by using 10 copy paste texts my team and I use. There’s stuff to ask her out with, stuff to reply when she has been silent for a long time, stuff to give her those Hollywood romantic drama feels, stuff for everything pretty much.

Go ahead and download it here, and enjoy those second dates!

Blessings, Louis Farfields

For more tips, check out these articles:

And don’t forget your download below 😉

5. Dont wait for a right time to do it

I understand that you will have a  hard time  gath

I understand that you will have a hard time gathering the courage to reject them but there is never a right time to end things with someone.

You might think that if you postpone it until tomorrow, next week or next month, things will be different. But they won’t. 

The longer you wait to do something, the more you’re anxious about doing it (definitely speaking from experience). So, don’t wait for a right time to do it because the right time doesn’t exist.

The right time is now. You can never know what’s going on in that person’s life at the moment, so how can you know when it is the right time for them? You cannot know, right?

So, one of the best expert tips out there is the following: Waiting for the right time to do something will only result in prolonging it.

And prolonging it means giving them false hope when they could’ve started dating someone else instead and moved on. 

Don’t wait for the right time to do it but just do it! (As Nike would say.) 

5. Obligations, obligations

“Hey (someone’s name). As I’m wr

“Hey (someone’s name). As I’m writing to you, I’m thinking about all the deadlines I need to meet this next month, my two jobs, little sister, pet, you name it. 

As you can see, I don’t have time to breathe, let alone spend some quality time with someone and I’m truly sorry for that.

My free time consists of one to two hours in the evening when I turn on the TV and try not to fall asleep while watching something.

I wish we had met earlier or sometime in the near future when I will potentially have more free time but that’s just how things are at the moment.”

If the reason for rejecting someone is your tons of obligation at the moment but you’re interested in hanging out with them at some point in the near future, it’s important you tell them that.

You need to accentuate the fact that you’re interested in hanging out but prevented from doing so at the moment.

Something to Consider

Not having a ton of luck finding love? If you’re having to say no a lot, you may not be using one of the best dating apps. While we can’t guarantee a switch is going to keep you from having to say no, it could help. The second you find the right person, you can delete your accounts and not worry about it ever again.

Written By: Jason Lee Jason Lee is a data analyst with a passion for studying online dating, relationships, personal growth, healthcare, and finance. In 2008, Jason earned a Bachelors of Science from the University of Florida, where he studied business and finance and taught interpersonal communication. His work has been featured in the likes of The USA Today, MSN, The Motley Fool, Net Health, and The Simple Dollar. As a business owner, relationship strategist, dating coach, and officer in the U.S. military, Jason enjoys sharing his unique knowledge base with the rest of the world.

Published by Ellen Orton

My name is Ellen Orton and I’m a psychologist and a content writer who specializes in the relationship between the sexes. My main goal is to teach people how to build and keep a relationship that’s healthy, romantic, and full of happiness and joy. In my free time, I like hiking, volunteering at an animal shelter, or playing board games with my nieces.View all posts by Ellen Orton

Applicant Rejection by Employers

One last point: job searchers frequently ask about what is appropriate for them to do about follow up with employers with whom they interviewed. Days, weeks, and sometimes months, have passed with no word from an employer who was obviously interested enough to bring the applicant in for an interview.

These candidates are assuming they were not selected but they have never heard for sure. Like most normal humans, they seek closure so that they can move on.

It is never appropriate for an employer to fail to respond to a candidate with whom the employer has had contact. It is not the candidate, employee, potential employee, or company image friendly to fail to let a candidate know his or her status. Say, yay, or say nay, but say something—in a timely manner, at each step of your hiring and selection process.

Various Instances Post Interview and the Proper Way To Reply:

1. When an internal employee is rejected:

Many a times, the position is closed internally, many employees apply for it, but only one will be eligible for the post. The best way to let the internal employee know about the rejection is to have open and honest face-to-face conversation with him. You cannot afford to disappoint the internal employee and ensure he works best in his current position.

2. General rejection mail:

Many a time giving a specific feedback to employee is not possible; hence the general email can be in the following format

We appreciate your interest for working with us and Thank you for taking out time for interview.

While we are impressed with your skills and experience, we regret to tell you that we will not be able to move your application forward.

You have our wishes for successfully locating the career opportunity you deserve.

We will maintain your resume in our database and contact you when position opens up.

Again thank you for applying.

3. Rejection with specific feedback:

This is the most time consuming email one can send, one has to communicate message in very subtle way, give precise feedback without making the candidate feel insulted. The personalized email with suitable feedback should often be used while dealing with crucial and senior positions.

Example of Email:

Dear James,

I want to thank you for your interest in ‘Xyz’ position and for all the efforts you took to appear for the interview. It was great to be acquitted with you because of the interview. Although your experience and qualification are impressive, currently we will not be able to move forward with your candidature. We have chosen someone with more hands on experience with similar profile. We will be keeping your resume in database and will contact you when a suitable position opens up to match your skill sets.

Once again, thank you and best luck for your future endeavors. In case of any query, don’t hesitate to call- (Phone no)

Be the Right Kind of Nice

In many cases, women will make these kinds of mistakes because they’re trying not to hurt the man’s feelings. Instead, what they’re doing is making the rejection more unpleasant. If you really want to reject a guy in a nice way after one date, be kind in other ways. For example, you can say, “I really enjoyed hanging out with you” or “You’re really amazing.” Always show gratitude and thank him for the date. He may not get another date, but at least he’ll feel appreciated. However, make sure the statements are genuine; otherwise, they don’t work. If you didn’t like him or had a bad time on the date, you don’t have to make up kind words; sometimes the best thing to say is you don’t think it’s a match and leave it at that.

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